get them out.

it's so important to get your thoughts out. the significant ones. if you really feel it, and the feeling is so strong, then express it. those feelings reflect who you are. thus they are a part of you, among a bunch of other things. and you're a part of this universe. it needs that energy - your energy. it needs your opinion.

yes, the universe gives a fuck about what you think. if you like something must be known, there's someone in the world that wants to hear it. hell, i want to hear it. and you can tell me anything. i'd want to hear the good stuff - stuff that's moving and inspirational. i want to hear those stories that are so warm like that chicken soup for the soul that was so popular. i want to hear stuff that makes me go, "awwwwWWWWwwww!"

you could tell me sad stuff, too, i suppose. i mean, i would want you let that shit out. i know the feeling of being almost desperate. and you need to say it. i would want to understand, and see if i could do anything to help, even if it meant something so little as sending out good vibes.

if you had bad shit to say, though - that's a different story. i wouldn't want to hear it. or i would, but just because i would want you to pay for whatever bad you were telling me. like if someone told me they liked to do bad shit to little kids. i would probably sit there and listen, pretending to be interested, while texting people under the table to come to where ever i was at so they could wait by the exit and torture the pervert till he changed his mind about his hobby.

you need to get that shit out.

if you have good stuff to say, get those feeling out. share it. spread that happiness. it's infectious. contagious. it'll make others around you happy (hopefully).

if you need help, get those feelings of despair outta ya. and you will receive help. someone will hear it. if you deserve help, you'll get it. things will get better.

if you have something bad to say, then shit. say it. hopefully, if you deserve it, you will get the ass whooping you deserve. and hopefully you will reform.

our driver's mom is really sick. their family is poor and went to their respective mayors and governors asking for help. the politicians signed whatever they signed for them to receive largely-discounted medical treatment in the city at a government-owned hospital. she was tested. she was "treated". she is not getting better. the doctors have failed to inform her and her family what the fuck is going on, because they really don't know. after all this time, after months of talking to my driver for hours, he can't explain what is wrong with his mom because he doesn't know. the doctors aren't explaining it to them so that they understand.

they did tell them this:

that his mother has to undergo surgery, where they will remove her bottom jaw and replace it with a plastic one, after which she will have 2 more years to live.

another option is to take out her jaw, not replace it with an artificial one, but make an opening through her neck to enable her to eat. after which, she will have 2 more years to live.

this is what the doctor told them about their mother.

what does that mean? if she doesn't get these surgeries, she'll die within the next 2 years? what. the. fuck.

talking with him, i had a difficult time understanding. i mean, really empathizing. if something like this happened to me, i'm blessed with resources to come up with the best solution. no, mutherfukcer, i'm not paid like that. but i have family and friends that are paid and wouldn't see me suffer like that. i tried to imagine the despair the family must have felt hearing these verdicts from the doctor, giving my mother a death sentence that could not be appealed. where would we get the money for the surgery? where would we get the money for the medicine? we have children, too, and we can't let them go hungry.

in fact, our driver fights often with his wife. she isn't pleased that they barely have enough to live on, while he keeps giving money to his mother because of all the medical attention she needs. no comment. i don't want to get myself into a situation where feeling like that was even a possibility. ever.

imagine the despair they felt.

they don't have enough money for a second opinion. they can only afford these genius doctors that receive their pay from the government - a government that steals money that was intended for the people. yes. i am accusing my government of stealing from the people. i said it. i'm sorry. please go easy on me. but taxes aren't enforced. those that do pay taxes give money to the government expecting that the government does productive things with the money. productive, all right. i don't even want to get into how rich these politicians and their families are. meanwhile, there are families whose mothers are dying of an infection in her mouth. because she did not receive proper education that her country should have provided for her, she thought it was something that could be massaged away, she rubbed on it - hard. it worsened. she came up with the money (most likely from her children as well) to get treated, but could not afford the medications that were needed for it to be treated properly. so it went untreated. it worsened. and now she has 2 years to live, pending a surgery that this skillful, caring doctor prescribes - you know - the one they couldn't afford in the first place. the government. i'm sorry. if someone out there represents the government and is offended by what i'm saying, i don't mean to offend. but it's true. you can't make this shit up.

we are obviously trying to come up with ways to help their family. on several separate occasions, i've given the driver extra money before. i rarely have extra, of course, but we try. of course we do. who wouldn't, right? but times are hard. we come up short all the time. as much as i want to give and give to them, i don't have it. i'll do anything to get it, though.

this is what your brug money buys, by the way. while it might be ruining your life, it is somehow making other people's better. i'm not saying, yeah, keep using brugs. it does good in the world. and i'm not trying to be self-righteous, but i think we're a different breed. i'm not trying to justify what i do, of course. we've stopped, actually. [cough].

i'm hoping that between mine and my boyfriend's families and friends, we'll somehow come across a doctor who will help. at least tell them what is happening to their mother.

imagine how many other families are going through similar situations.

what despair there is in the world.

1 of the 2 things my father really etched in my head was that you can't expect others to think and act the same way you do because everyone is different. i believe this. i find this to be wise and very understanding. so i'm not going to say, if i were in the government, i wouldn't steal. i wouldn't let this shit slid. and i'm not trying to judge. but c'mon. people need help out here. people spend money on such stupid shit nowadays, too. money is just wasted. why can't it be put into helping people? as much charity there is going around the world right now (and that's great that lives are being changed. i'm sure many benefit from whatever charity is getting put out there.), what about the others that need help, too?

if anyone is reading this out there, i don't mean to fuck up your day with this sob story. but it's not just some sob story. i had to get it out of me. but if this has touched you in any way, i ask for your help. in any way you can. in whatever way you do it, and to whomever you do it to 0 whether it be jesus, allah, father time, rah, or the universe itself or whatever, pray for them. even if it means just taking a quiet minute and sending positive energy to my driver's mother. send out strength to her and her family that have to go through this. send out patience to our driver's wife so she doesn't get so mad when he gives his mother money. send out joneses to the custies that buy from us, so we get more money to help them with (okay - don't do that). send out love. send out concern. get those feelings out. we'll receive them somehow.

signing off from very far from you,
highly me.