my bud.

my bud makes me your bud.
i'm nice with it. i am literally nice with it. it makes me more empathetic. it helps me understand and relate to others. so what if you're messed up? we're all messed up. i'm just as messed up as you. so i will try not to judge you. when i'm with my bud, i understand that people are all different, have been through different situations and, therefore, have different opinions, and i'm seriously nice about it.

my bud makes me patient.
this goes along with my bud making me your bud. i just try to understand and let shit slide.

my bud connects me to my daughter.
i'm not talking just being with her or playing with her. my bud makes me feel like there is a true, actual non-hypothetical bond between me and my daughter. and it's strong when i'm holding her close to me. she could be preoccupied with something else - watching tv or chewing on that rubbery thing that goes on the breast pump, but what i feel is so strong. i feel like my love can encompass and protect her. i feel inspiration to become that superwoman i need to become for her. i realize that it will take time to become that woman - it will take honing my good attributes and strengths, along with purging myself of bad traits and habits. and i feel this inspiration when i'm with bud and my daughter. i feel such closeness to her. it slows me down, when everything in the world is going wrong and worries after worries pour in, and makes me realize what really matters is that my little girl is taken care of and loved. don't get me wrong - i feel connected to my daughter when with and without my bud. but being with my bud makes me more sensitive to these mybud-inspired thoughts and feelings. my love becomes amplified.

serious antis will probably hate this. i'm sorry. i feel like i'm not good enough with words to convince you otherwise. it depends on the mother, really, and how she feels when she's with my bud. if she honestly feels that she could not be a good mother, then she shouldn't be with my bud. but, if like me, she feels confident that somehow it is beneficial to her children that she is with my bud.

i can't help but remember that tyra episode where she had on a few mothers that smoked marijuana, along with people that were so against it that they felt they had to yell at these women who did. i would absolutely hate to get yelled at like that. if i were on that show, i would not know how i would react to the way those women yell. it was so mean. i hope the mothers that smoked really are okay with smoking and being a mom. and if they are, i wonder if those mothers feel what i feel when i'm with my bud. if they do, then good for them and their children. but damn - getting yelled at like that must have been horrible. belittlement. accusation. disrespect. i bet you if those yellers and screamers were lit, they wouldn't be all angry like that.

my bud makes me not want to smoke cigarettes.
in my humble (yet strong) opinion, cigarettes are among the worst drugs on the planet. they are so addictive that it controls you. they make you so addicted to them that at any given moment, you can begin jonesing for one. and smoking a cigarette all of a sudden becomes your number 1 priority that you put other things off. and all those things that you put off just to satisfy your cigarette craving are INFINITELY more important and more beneficial than smoking a cigarette. when you are addicted to cigarettes, you crave for them right when you wake up. and i have a growing baby, a daughter that is never going to look the same way as she does now and i want to soak in every moment with her because time is going so fast. i don't want to be thinking about cigarettes first thing in the morning. so much more is important to me. i hate cigarettes. but i'm addicted to them. i wish people were more sensitive to smokers - especially the ones that want to quit but "can't". i understand. it's hard because it's addictive. and they just keep getting made.

anyway, when i'm with my bud, i taste all that badness of cigarettes. it tastes so bad.

my bud makes me hungry.
and i mean REAL hungry. it's just so nice to eat with my bud. i can taste food! and i could make food, too. good food. maybe other mothers could relate with me in agreeing that there are certain meals that you really pour your soul into cooking. every ingredient is added with so much thought and deliberation. you can taste what you're cooking merely through the aroma it produces while on the stove. and because you know it's smell so well, you know exactly what it needs and what it might have too much of. when i'm with my bud, i can do it. i care about the food i'm feeding to my family. again, don't get me wrong - i always want my family to eat good, delicious meals. but when i'm with my bud, i have the urge to really go all out. my family's meal has my complete concentration.

my bud helps me hear music.
i love neo-soul and hip hop. and i'm sure there are many others out there that will agree with me when i say that there is something special to be felt when you hear a nice bass line, so infectious that it sits with you in your head all day long. or the melodic new-school-jazzy-like sound of a keyboard or guitar, backed up by the most precise percussion. a soulful voice. or the way a good mc says what is on his or her mind - the choice of words and metaphors so tactfully arranged that regards the composition ingenious. the explicitness. the realness. the delivery. just beautiful. when i'm with bud, i hear all those things. i recognize the care put into the music.

there are so many ways that being with my bud makes me a better person. but at the same time, i understand why people hate. maybe they had a bad experience related to my bud. maybe it traumatized them to the point that they want to endlessly hate. i haven't had such an experience. i've only had good encounters with my bud. it helps me. so i hope that if someone against it has read this is pissed, they keep into consideration that i didn't mean to piss them off. i wish them love, peace and happiness.

although, i wish i had a better way with words to make others understand.

my family definitely would never understand. and if my mom were to ever chance upon this blog, it definitely would not be her favorite blog.

but this is me. this is highly me.

legalize it.